Change

On my T-ride home today, I was listening to Boston by Augustana. I really haven't listened to this song since last August/September. I sorta over played it back then and was pretty sick of it for a while.

Today as I listened to it, I remembered the thoughts that went through my head when I first heard it... i remember how I felt when I was getting ready to move... when I did move.

I remember in an old blog I wrote about how the song applied but noted that I wasn't necessarily tired of the weather - and snow would not be nice.

Today, as I listened, I looked out the window at the muddy remainders of snow from a week or two ago. You know, some snow was nice. It was different. It was a change.

I realized looking back how much things have changed, how much I've changed. I like to think I do a pretty good job of embracing change. I remember my first night in Boston - the momentary panic that sank in as I thought - oh my god, what have Its done this time!?!?! Lol. I was a bit scared, I'll admit it.

But it lasted for a day - maybe two - and then Boston was home. Things changed, I moved on.

So much has changed for me in the last 5 years. Heck, so much has changed for me since HS. I changed - I went through so many evolutions. I remember being 17/18 and loving the LA party life... or the little of it I experienced. My 5 year plan was set - I was going to graduate at 21, get my credentials by 22 and be a teacher by day, party queen by night. I worked pretty hard back then - didn't have this internet addition yet (that always seems to keep me from what I really want to be doing). My first summer in college was such a DRASTIC change from HS. I want from being a hermit to a social butterfly - a non-drinker to a drunk! I went from bad student to great student; uninvolved to overinvolved. Taken to single.

Then I moved away. I changed. All of a sudden, doing the club thing until i was 30 wasn't my cup of tea. Heck, I began to despise the LA "scene" - suddenly became a fan of beer and bars and "get togethers" at home... dropped the hoochie outfits (perhaps the transfer 30 had something to do with that) for jeans and sweaters.

So much change.

The biggest of course was from "white washed" to "fob" lol - it was more like - apathetic to very involved and concerned Armenian.

Every day at Berkeley felt like something new for me. I loved it. And its the reason I am who I am today - the good, the bad - all of it. Who would I be if I wasn't writing letters to the Glendale News Press every other day? hehe.

Returning to Glendale was more change - but it felt like stagnant change. I went from crazy bars to low key lounges. I went from social to hermit. I went from involved to uninvolved.

And then Boston.

There's just so much. Its not just me, its the world around me. A different bedroom, a different bed, different house, street, friends, school, world, perspective....

perspective.

change can be good or bad. change is not synonymous with improvement. Going from social drinker to beligerent drunk was not "improvement" - but it was change.

But change is growth. Change is perspective.

This all seems like a given right? We all change. Everything changes. The world changes.

But I'm not sure it really is a given. I am constantly amazed at how many people fight change. I know, change is scary - scary as hell - but if you never take that step, where does that lead you?

The world is not as you see it. THe world is never how you see it. You have to see the world through a billion different experiences before you can even pretend to understand it - and even then perhaps you can't.

TO change is to evolve - and evolution is how we've become who we have. If you fight change, you fight your own evolution and you stay who you are... who you have been...

Maybe you like who you are... maybe you have no desire to change that person or the world that person lives in.

But I wish everyone would give change a chance - not just a new haircut or a new outfit - something different... something that scares you.

I dwell on the past a lot - the past was fun. I had some good times, good laughs, scary times, sad times. I'm happy about the past and I like reminiscing - but its not because I don't appreciate the present of believe in the future. I dream about the future constantly. And I try to appreciate the present every second of the day. I walk down the street everyday and say to myself... "I am not in Glendale" - its invigorating just to think about it. I look at the houses that I have now become so accustomed to seeing I could easily ignore them - but I don't. I stop and I look and think... damnit, I love this - its DIFFERENT... its change. The streets, the T, the lifestyle... its freakin Boston!

See, I know that change is constant - and I've made sure to enjoy all of it - because in the blink of an eye - I might not be in Boston anymore - I might be back in LA or god knows where... either way - I won't always walk down this street to Clark Rd (where I live) and I won't always get to walk up three flights of wooden stairs to my bedroom in the back. Someday this too will change - for better or worse, who knows (hopefully better) but I make sure not to take any of it for granted.

I'm ready for more change. There are changes ahead of me that scare the shit out of me right now... but I'm okay with that. I'll learn, I'll grow. I'm sure I'll screw up... but oh well. But thats all okay......