sad day

i'm sitting here in class going through my usual emails and i received one from Dave.

For some reason, I had a bad feeling. The email just had a link with a line saying no explanation was necessary.

http://www.polisci.berkeley.edu/

NelsonW. Polsby, my undergraduate thesis advisor, passed away in February.

A few months ago I had emailed him just to see how he was. I never got a reply. I had a bad feeling but just shrugged it off hoping it was just because he was busy. I really had no other reason to believe anything worse.

I feel horrible for not knowing.

I had so much respect for this man - just read his CV - its impossible not to admire him.

But aside from his resume, he really had an impact in my life. I don't know what initially led me to sign up for his Poli Sci grad course. When I did sign up, I had to get him to agree to have me in his class or else the department wouldn't approve it. So, I went to see him during office hours a few days after the first day of class. He was very blunt. "I don't think you can keep up with this course."

Of course, I have an ego. Telling me I can't do something usually makes me want it more. "I think I can. I want to try!"

"Have you even looked at the syllabus? This course is demanding and requires a lot of reading."

I refused to admit to him that the 1-2 book a week (required + a book or two suggested) reading was a little intimidating. Instead, I told him I had noticed but didn't feel it was a problem.

He didn't believe me. He sent me off to the IGS library to look at the various books he had assigned. He wanted me to understand that these weren't simple novels I could fly through - and he wanted to make sure I felt comfortable with the material.

Well, I picked up one book, read the first 3 pages and returned to his office to let him know I wanted to be on board. And so, he signed me on to the first part of his two semester course. Whether I was allowed to continue would depend on my first semester performance.

In the meantime, he also agreed to be my thesis advisor. It wasn't an area he really had an exertise in but the faculty-teacher ration at Berkeley made it very difficult to find a professor. Not only were there 0-1 profs who'd really know anything about my topic (and the 1 that did was not in the country at the time - in fact, I believe he was stuck in Iran), but all the profs in general had already signed on to be advisors and didn't want more students. As a transfer student, I hadn't had the advantage of having 3 years to build a relationship with my professors. I had only been at Berkeley for 1 year and 1 year was not enough for me to really bond with any prof. So, I was screwed... until Nelson agreed.

The semester went on. I must admit - I wasn't always on top of it. Each week, one (or two) people were assigned to start the class discussion. Sometimes we'd stay on topic and other times I remember conversation going so off track - and Nelson was okay with that. He wanted us to think, discuss, analyze, argue. Every other week, we had to submit a 5 page paper - but it was nothing formal - just a sort of "reflection" on the reading.

I was understandably intimidated. I was a young senior in a class full of PhD students/candidates (though a few only went as far as their masters). So, I was quite timid when it came to speaking up in class and Nelson was always on my case for that, "DONT ASK to make a comment or ask a question - JUST SAY IT!" And when I'd go to visit him, he'd always encourage me to speak more and discuss more.

As for my papers - he was usually satisfied/happy with them. The first time I received negative remarks, we talked it over in office hours. He found out I had been in LA that weekend - and so from then on he decided he didn't like me going to LA - he'd joke that going to LA made me less of a thinker (less "smart").

When I'd tell him about law school - he'd roll his eyes a little. For him, the only acceptable law school was Yale. I think he viewed the rest as technical schools. But either way, he encouraged me to continue on with my education and wrote me several letters of recomendation along the way.

At the end of the first semester, I met with him again. I needed him to give me a grade for the course (most students received one grade for the entire year so the semester grade was reported as "in progress"). He refused. He wanted me to stay on for the second semester. I told him that I had too great of a course load. He offered to let me use my thesis as the semester's "paper" (all other students spent the entire second semester working on a paper). He kept telling me to at least think about it but I just couldn't say no - he was pretty set on having me stay. And so I did. (21 units my 2nd semester of my senior year - whereas all my friends were taking 13!).

Honestly, there wasn't much more I had to do second semester so I guess it was 4 free units. I just had to be in class and discuss - and eventually present my thesis.

And that was that. I haven't really returned to Berkeley. I really couldn't wait to go back. It's my own fault. Instead of going on my own I waited for someone (in particular) to make the trip with me. And when he didn't come, I sorta just put it off figuring, well, i'll go later I guess.

Now I won't ever get to go back to his office to hang out with him... no more afternoon tea. He was one of those huggable grandfather types. Sometimes he'd fall asleep in class. Sometimes he'd get angry (in a more disappointed way)... but most of the time he was a sweet and easy going man.

Nelson, you will be missed.